i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
