Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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