Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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