the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
