She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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