were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dick very happy bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
