I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
