shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
