hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
