So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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