And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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