you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
