i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And then he peed in my hair
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