is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
