I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
