I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
