i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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