ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
