The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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