I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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