She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
