Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
