These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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