So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
