If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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