Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
