I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
