just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
