I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
