so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
