when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
