Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
