Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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