Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
