Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
