Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
