ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
