I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
