Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
