I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
