Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
