I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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