i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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