I puked a lego.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
