I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
