the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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