I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
