His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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