I'm gonna have a badass scar
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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