got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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