apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
