the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
