you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nutella sex= disaster
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
