Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
